A Year of Breaking Comfort Zones

Growing up with social anxiety was not easy by any means. I had difficulty understanding the communication styles of kids my age and I was always worried about saying or doing anything that would leave me excluded. It was easier to cling to the structures of routine that I found in school or within my home environment. I could understand those. I could shape myself into those routines.

From ages eighteen to twenty-one I struggled to adapt to adulthood because there was no true structure to life. Sure, everyone can tell you exactly what you're supposed to do but they don't actually have a secret formula for it. The anxiety increased and it took three years of dedicated work for me to overcome it. People who have dealt with anxiety feel a certain pride at being able to do tasks that most people deem simple. Ordering a meal is an achievement. Engaging in small talk is an earned skill that once felt unimaginable. Being able to simply ask questions to obtain more information is such a precious gift to people like us. I think it's only right we acknowledge all the work we did to feel that sense of pride.

When I started planning out my ideal 2023 I wanted to enjoy my life more and break away from the comfort zones I've built. I'm taking chances this year. There are so many opportunities for growth in life that it feels hypocritical of me to encourage others to explore and live life as much as possible when I'm not entirely doing so myself. I've started challenging myself from the very start of the year to do things differently. To take care of my health more, try new foods, and start going out twice a month to do something nice for myself by myself, and I'm ready to expand in other areas of my life.

Today, I did something courageous in hopes that it may lead to a new career opportunity. I was nervous at first, which is only natural, but now I feel free. I feel free to see just how amazing life is about to become. If this blessing comes true, it won't be a win only for me but for every single person who has felt like an underdog consistently working hard to achieve their dreams. If this opportunity is not meant for me then I'll mourn what could have been and then I'll pick myself back up and keep pushing.

We are meant to always feel safe. We deserve to always feel safe. However, we are not meant to always be comfortable. We are meant to push beyond our limiting thoughts, work through our fears, and take the explorative route in life. Each year, we become a different version of ourselves. It's never too late to become a version that you hold with pride, a version you hold with love, and a version of yourself that understands that you are deserving to be happy.

Take care of yourself. Drink your water. Stay safe and stay as healthy as you can.

With sincere love,

Dasia Zanders

Forget About Control.

I have returned from my three-month hiatus.

In short summary, I've been taking the time to rearrange my life as necessary because life is unpredictable. My 24th birthday arrived and I did a lot of inner work and reflection to see where I am at in order to get to where I want to go next. I've decided that trying to be happy takes more effort than actually living moment by moment.

I know I've dedicated a lot of my posts to opening further discussions about mental health. Half of my blogs on here are some of my vulnerable moments addressing my history with depression and anxiety in hopes that it gives my readers a safe place to express their own experiences. I've also tried posting uplifting messages, hopeful commentary, and a few pieces of advice. While I intend to keep posting these topics and doing what I feel is productive, helpful, and hopefully inspiring for all of us, I am going to try something new for the month of April.

Obtaining a sense of control has always been important to me. I've spent a lot of time writing clear lists of what should be done within the day and have planned weeks ahead for my life. Coming into 2022 this no longer was serving me and I found myself feeling pressure to be happy when I wasn't, to be perfect when I'm not, and to hurry forward to prove that I'm not just sitting around at home. When you tell people that you're an author and that you're not currently working in a career that aligns with your degree, there's a very particular attitude you're meant with. I think people feel as though I'm in a phase of life where I'm doing nothing.

Truthfully, I am in a privileged position where I'm not worrying over my money or desperately having places to be at every moment of the day but I'm not sitting watching shows all day or reading books for hours. I have been preparing, I have been healing, I have been examining careers that would align with my degree in clinical psychology, and I've been thinking of what more I could do to contribute to the world no matter how small or large scale it may be. Through all these months of working, resting, working more, and then resting again I realized that my need for control was failing me. My overly organized way of approaching life is failing me. My need to know what exactly is happening next week, next month, or even the next several months is failing me. So, how do I change this?

In the month of April, I am going to relinquish control. High priorities I will gladly organize and write in my planner, but if it is not a high priority then I'm not going to try and care about it because I'm caring too much. I think we all get caught up in trying to desperately figure out as many details as we can because we think it's going to keep us safe, that it's going to help us get ahead, and that it's going to help us achieve what we want but then we end up stressed. We end up stressed by the pressure to meet those goals, we end up sad if we fail and have to start again, we feel disappointed, embarrassed, and so many other emotions that discourage us.

All of April I am going to attempt to slow down my overthinking and impulsive needs to control everything. I'm going to try going out on my own more often, of course in a safe manner. I'm going to try new hobbies, start new activities, and I'm going to interact more with all of you because all of you have been the greatest surprise in the last ten months of my life. Happiness shouldn't be something we chase after but rather something we happen to come upon in our journey and experience with gratitude.

So, thank you for all the birthday wishes I received on Friday. Thank you for all of the laughter you've given me in these ten months. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for still rooting for me on the days when I was so exhausted that I didn't want to even think about what it meant to be Dasia Zanders. If you want to join me in April on this journey of letting go and experiencing happiness as it drifts by then I would love to hear your stories.

Stay safe and I love you when it feels like no one else does.

- Dasia

Holiday Blues

There has only been one time that I've gotten sad during the holidays. Back then I felt I had valid reasoning to be sad and no one could tell me differently. It's strange how we tend to seek validation because we've been taught we have to have reason to feel an emotion. Not everything we feel and experience can be met with an explanation and we should stop trying to push the idea that it does.

This year I find myself feeling a pinch of sadness underneath all the holiday cheer around me. For a while, I couldn't figure out why I was feeling negative, but now I think I have some idea. It's the idea that time is moving forward and I'm being faced with many thoughts at once. I'm disappointed in the things I didn't accomplish that I wanted to be able to and I'm nervous about the future ahead as I start venturing into new territory. While I'm trying to focus on the goals I did accomplish this year and find reasons to be proud of myself, I can't help that itching feeling that I somehow failed.

If you're finding yourself feeling hints of sadness right now I think it's okay. The holidays do not have to be a special, happy, and magical time for everyone. It can be especially difficult when dealing with family as well. Not everyone has a proper support system in their life. Sometimes we receive commentary about our lives that hurt our feelings, even if they were said with no intention to harm anyone. You may hear remarks about your academic history, your career plan, and we all receive unnecessary questions and comments about our relationship status. You may be in circumstances where one person says something you strongly disagree with but can't express without creating drama. Or maybe you can speak up but all it does is end in an argument.

Perhaps your holiday blues have nothing to do with other people. Maybe you're just not motivated this time of year. I tried to journal, but I found myself getting progressively more and more annoyed with myself. I couldn't focus long enough to list out the things that I found positive. Today was one of those days where I felt incapable of being able to follow the schedule I had written in my planner. The obligations I had to fulfill I pushed through. The things that were able to be prolonged or abandoned all together I gave myself the permission to set it aside. Instead, I cleaned the house and I mean deep cleaned the house while listening to a podcast I enjoy. It provided me with a decent distraction and soon I was worn out but happily content with the cleanliness of my environment.

I wish I had more of an inspirational story to share with all of you about how I beat the holiday blues. I wish I could tell you that at the time of writing this I feel completely fine and ready to start the next day brand new. However, if I did that I would be lying to everyone on my own blog. What I will tell you is that I'm making sure to take care of myself as I work through my sad phase right now. I hold myself responsible for the tasks I have to do and I allow myself some slack in the areas of life that I have more choice in. I'm drinking my favorite tea. I try to read in the little free time I have. Personally, I enjoy pampering myself with hair masks, cuticle oils, and special face masks. It's the small acts that help me get through the day easier.

If you're feeling sad, that is okay. Try to find time to do things that make you feel a little more connected with yourself and help you ease your mind. All of us are going to get through the season.

Stay safe and thank you for being here.

<3