There has only been one time that I've gotten sad during the holidays. Back then I felt I had valid reasoning to be sad and no one could tell me differently. It's strange how we tend to seek validation because we've been taught we have to have reason to feel an emotion. Not everything we feel and experience can be met with an explanation and we should stop trying to push the idea that it does.
This year I find myself feeling a pinch of sadness underneath all the holiday cheer around me. For a while, I couldn't figure out why I was feeling negative, but now I think I have some idea. It's the idea that time is moving forward and I'm being faced with many thoughts at once. I'm disappointed in the things I didn't accomplish that I wanted to be able to and I'm nervous about the future ahead as I start venturing into new territory. While I'm trying to focus on the goals I did accomplish this year and find reasons to be proud of myself, I can't help that itching feeling that I somehow failed.
If you're finding yourself feeling hints of sadness right now I think it's okay. The holidays do not have to be a special, happy, and magical time for everyone. It can be especially difficult when dealing with family as well. Not everyone has a proper support system in their life. Sometimes we receive commentary about our lives that hurt our feelings, even if they were said with no intention to harm anyone. You may hear remarks about your academic history, your career plan, and we all receive unnecessary questions and comments about our relationship status. You may be in circumstances where one person says something you strongly disagree with but can't express without creating drama. Or maybe you can speak up but all it does is end in an argument.
Perhaps your holiday blues have nothing to do with other people. Maybe you're just not motivated this time of year. I tried to journal, but I found myself getting progressively more and more annoyed with myself. I couldn't focus long enough to list out the things that I found positive. Today was one of those days where I felt incapable of being able to follow the schedule I had written in my planner. The obligations I had to fulfill I pushed through. The things that were able to be prolonged or abandoned all together I gave myself the permission to set it aside. Instead, I cleaned the house and I mean deep cleaned the house while listening to a podcast I enjoy. It provided me with a decent distraction and soon I was worn out but happily content with the cleanliness of my environment.
I wish I had more of an inspirational story to share with all of you about how I beat the holiday blues. I wish I could tell you that at the time of writing this I feel completely fine and ready to start the next day brand new. However, if I did that I would be lying to everyone on my own blog. What I will tell you is that I'm making sure to take care of myself as I work through my sad phase right now. I hold myself responsible for the tasks I have to do and I allow myself some slack in the areas of life that I have more choice in. I'm drinking my favorite tea. I try to read in the little free time I have. Personally, I enjoy pampering myself with hair masks, cuticle oils, and special face masks. It's the small acts that help me get through the day easier.
If you're feeling sad, that is okay. Try to find time to do things that make you feel a little more connected with yourself and help you ease your mind. All of us are going to get through the season.
Stay safe and thank you for being here.