Rosalia vs. November
When looking back at the completion of my series I often find myself smirking at the parts that I know relate to my personal life. I've hinted that the next novel I would like to put out for everyone is rooted in reality with various topics involved, but it's become a form of therapy for me as I look back at how my depression has intertwined into who I am today and my writing. There's signs hidden in the Cassadine trilogy of the two opposing sides of my personalities in the forms of November and Rosalia. I've stated before that little bits of me live in all my characters and there isn't one specific character based entirely on myself, that statement still remains true. However, there are small sections of me living in Rosalia and November that reflect who I am when I'm not in a depressive state and who I am when I am in that place. Similar to Rosalia I can be funny, charming to those I meet, and believe in sharing as much of my love as I can to good people. It's during these times that I feel in exceptionally light moods with extra smiles directed at just about everyone I make contact with, it's a feeling of pride and accomplishment as well as pure joy. However, there are other parts of my personality that often stay buried in the privacy of my home only shared among with certain family members and close friends. Part of the reason I never came to form any sort of hatred toward November is because I understand her need to prove herself, her drive to protect whatever she thinks as hers even if she's acting on impulse to do it, and all of that built up anger comes from somewhere deeper than what she's willing to show people. For some clarification I would never harm people the way November does from time to time, but I empathize just as well with her as I have with other characters I've created. Whenever Rosalia and November would meet eye to eye there was enough tension between them that everyone could feel they didn't get along and it was better to keep them separated but I truly believe that had the two of them pushed aside their need to be the only one rightfully in power that they could have found a balancing harmony despite the two being centered in their emotional drives. They both have strong personalities and have proven they are more than capable of taking care of themselves; each having moments where they displayed their intelligence and courageous behavior. The two as a working pair could have been possible if there weren't so many inner issue within either of the young women. This reminded me of my approach on myself. I keep a personal journal to document my mundane life for the sake of my own mental health. I started getting so annoyed by my constant mood changes that I began to divide parts of my personality into two forms, viewing them as two different Queens with a few similarities but enough differences that they can't always stay compatiable. When my mood is brighter and my mind is feeling optimistic about the world I like to think of myself as the form of Queen Dasia. Whenever the inside of my mind has filled to the brim with negativity my mood is typically cynical met with a lot more of a sarcastic bite than the norm. Those days where I'm a little too confident and too unamused I think of myself as Queen Zanders. The reason I keep the title Queen present in both has nothing to do with excessive pride, instead it's there because no matter which mood I find myself in I am determined to get anything of priority done. I don't allow myself to slack off on the important things whether I'm feeling on top of the world and down under it so the title of Queen keeps me motivated. However, when I can balance out my emotions and rationalize my thoughts a beautiful harmony takes place which allows me to be simply Dasia Zanders, no added titles needed. Those are the days where the only emotion running through me is contentment. Those are the days where I can acknowledge both my beloved qualities as well as my less than lovely traits. Unlike Rosalia and November, my two opposing sides can coexist in me and even when they clash they both deserve proper credit for building my character as a person and a writer.