Day Five: Thankful For Life
There are many mixed emotions toward Thanksgiving. For some people they view it as a commercial holiday screaming about how every single day we're alive we should be thankful and others see it as an opportunity to pull everyone closer together. I agree that we should be grateful for all our blessings each day that we're here in this world, but I also understand why this holiday means so much to people. I've started talking a bit more about my depression, in fact I've started writing more about my depression in my personal journals and in some stories I'm working on, and I have a lot of progress to make before I can say I'm fully content with myself. When the holiday season comes by I find myself happier with all the decorations and the cheerful music, but there are moments that make me appreciate the gift of life more than I typically would. To clarify for everyone I love that I've been given a chance to live and I never think about doing anything to myself to stop that gift, please understand that I am fully aware and appreciative of my life. When I say there's moments that make me appreciate life more I mean it more along the lines of heightening my love for being here. This morning my mother continued her comedy act from the previous day, she made me smile so much I thought my face would get stuck. In the afternoon my best friend came over to eat with us and the moment she hugged me or would grab my hand for the sake of being allowed to hold it, I felt a warm happiness to be around someone who chooses to put a lot of her affection toward me. When we went to see our other dear friend whom was so determined to see us she was willing to do the one thing that terrifies and annoys her most to come see us, she was willing to drive. As soon as she admitted to almost jumping in the car and driving to my house just so I could get a small cake and she could see me I was hit with a reminder that to some people out here in this life that I matter that much to them. I felt the love. Even after everyone parted ways to return to their own homes, I felt so much love hanging in the air. I still feel it even as the day is almost over and everyone will continue on with their schedules tomorrow as if nothing had happened the day before. It's moments like the ones I had today that make me take a moment to inhale the fresh air outside and value that I am a breathing, functioning, and loved person. Whenever my mind turns against me and the world is muted down in color, I hold onto these little fragments of my memory to motivate me to keep trying. I don't have to always succeed or force myself to be happy, but I do have to keep trying because this life can be so beautiful, especially once you meet all the right people who will genuinely care about you, and no one should let that slip away.